The Search

It's been a whirlwind month for me. I finished up finals, got a really beautiful ring and consequently, a pretty great fiancé, took a road trip across the west coast, and now I find myself in Paris on a global finance internship. 

As I sit here in mass in the Notre Dame Cathedral, I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for all of the blessings in my life. Maybe it's city of love or the 5,000+ mile distance we got going for us, or simply that I just really miss him. But anyway, I'm in the sentimental mood. Anyway, just last week we participated in a youth fireside in San Diego. We were talking about the importance of searching when someone asked a question directed specifically to me:

"How did you go about searching for Hunter?"

I thought a little bit, and truth be told, I have two answers....

Short answer, one evening a little less than four years ago I decided that I needed more friends so I dragged along some friends and went door knocking. (It actually turned out to be a great prep for the mission I would soon be setting out on) We went from door to door, introducing ourselves to all of the guys on the fourth floor of our apartment contract. 

Apparently we saved the best for last because our final door was this cute, tall boy with a Jedi braid and an adorable smile. He was busy studying some fancy physics AND making dinner. He had me from hello. 

Now on to the longer answer.. In all honestly, my search actually began over a decade ago.  I still remember sitting in church as an eager little 12 year old. Even then, we learned, frequently, about the eternal significance of the marriage decision. One day my leader gave each of us a little piece of paper and asked us to create a list of the qualities We wanted in our future husbands. As I sat contemplating my list, my teacher taught us an analogy about bulls. 

As I remember it, in the days before Henry Ford, people used Bulls to carry large loads. Only when they put two bulls with equal strength together, connected by a yoke, could were they able to transport heavy burdens together. Individually they were strong, but together they were powerful. On that day, so long ago, I learned that if I wanted to find my Prince Charming, someone with all of the characteristics on the list, I had to BE my list first. In a way, from that day forward, I set out trying to do everything I could to reach my full potential. It's been said that a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Well I guess maybe it was that day that I took my first step in this long journey. 

Last December, after an incredible date (ironically to a Christmas presentation at the catholic cathedral) I came home and threw myself upon my bed. That night I decided that I indeed had fallen in love with this boy I had known for so long. Somewhat in a trance, I opened up my childhood scriptures and stumbled upon my list. I checked the bullet points off my list one by one. He was everything I ever wanted and more. 

Being able to use the pronoun "we" has been a long process, full of highs and lows, but my patience has paid in dividends. 

Hunter, you are my dream boy through and through. I love you ️

the winter blues

I don't know about you, but I've got a case of the winter blues. You know, that limp rag feeling. What's worse is, I don't exactly know why. Life is pretty great at the moment. School. Friends. Family. The dating life. In many ways my life is unfolding in ways that I could have only dreamed about. Yet, these last few days I have just been feeling a bit down.

I got to thinking, why? I came to a few tentative conclusions: Maybe it's the medication I'm taking right now that has more annoying side effects than I can count. Or the pressure of V-day lurking over our heads like a dark rain cloud. Maybe it's that I miss my sister/bestie more than words can say and waiting 17 months to give her a squeeze seems inconceivable. I just really want to call her at chat for hours about everything and nothing at all. Or find a new hole-in-the-wall with the help of Yelp. It could be the fact that after two winters in sunny Brazil, I once again have to deal with ice-cold fingers and this smoggy inversion air. Nasty.

Whatever the reason, all I know is, these blues can't last.

I chatted with my dad, as I usually do about these kinds of things, and he gave me some pretty great advice. First, he asked me when is the last time I have performed a meaningful act of service. You're right, Daddy-0.. It's been too long. Rest be assured, I'll be on the look out. Second, he encouraged me to spend some time thinking about the things I love to do and then do those things.

Well, today I did just that. And just in case you, too may have the blues, let me tell you what seems to lifting my spirits at a miraculous rate...

1. belting out the Friday Song with my brother before sending him off to middle school
2. sushi dinner with dad
3. steam shower
4. cool little brunch diner (yelp find) to celebrate a friend's birthday
5. much-needed car wash
6. afternoon trip to the park with my puppy Lucky
7. successful work meeting
8. after-school Swig run with the bro to hear about all the cute 8th grade girls
9. finally purchasing some groupon dates that have been on my mind for a while now
10. getting an early start on this weeks homework
11. trip to the Provo City temple open house
12. getting the boy to watch a sappy chick flick with me in honor of St. Valentine


Yep, just what the doctor ordered. A day filled with the people and activities that I love the very most. But one of the best moments of my really good day was actually with Lucky. The poor creature has been in a state of what we call "dog depression" lately because we have been depriving him of his beloved walks do to the severe cold. So he sits inside all day, every day just looking out the window. The minute I got his leash he started jumping for joy. We went outside and he just couldn't handle his excitement to be out in the fresh air. (as smoggy as it was) We made our way up an iced hill and hung out at the playground for a while. As I watched Lucky play in the snow chasing birds to and fro I thought about how beautiful and symbolic life really is.


I think Charlotte it perfectly to her little friend Wilbur.  "These autumn days will shorten and grow cold. The leaves will shake loose from the trees and fall. Christmas will come, then the snows of winter. You will live to enjoy the beauty of the frozen world. Winter will pass, the days will lenghten, the ice will melt in the pasture pond. The song sparrow will return and sing, the frogs will awake, the warm wind will blow again. All these sights and sounds and smells will be yours to enjoy. This lovely world. These precious days."

All the sudden on top of the hill looking over the valley, enjoying the sensation of the sunlight on my cheeks, and watching my rejuvenated puppy play carelessly, I was immensely humbled. And grateful. I am grateful that all winters, how ever brutal they may be, eventually melt into beautiful, bright, colorful springs.

life is good. despite the winter blues.

Silent Night, Holy Night

Silent Night

Merry Christmas y’all. I love this time of year so much. I always have. However, I’ll admit that in recent years I haven’t felt as much Christmas magic as before. I don’t spend my time wondering how Santa will manage to get around the world in a single night. I don’t anxiously ask my mom how he will get into our house without a chimney. I can’t even remember the last time I put out cookies for the big guy or oats for his reindeer and I no longer check the snow for sleigh tracks.

However, since the moment in 3^rd grade when I actively searched the encyclopedia (not even Wikipedia but a straight up World Book) for details about St. Nick only to find the lurking word “myth” next to his name, I have tried to turn my curiosity into an annual period of retrospection. I try to think about the symbolism of this blessed holiday and what Jesus Christ’s birth really means to me.

This is my first holiday season back from Brazil and my little sister leaves in two short weeks for her own mission, so it has been especially good to be with my family. I have also been able to think about my last two Christmases as I was far from family, friends, and everything comfortable. Last year I was in this teeny little house in Cotia, Sao Paulo with three other missionaries. In an effort to keep the spirit of the season alive, we got a little tree and decorated it with our badges. Christmas Eve we all gathered around the tree and together we read about Christ’s birth straight from Luke. We shared our testimonies of our Savior, Jesus Christ, sang a few Christmas hymns, said a simple prayer and went to sleep. I can honestly say that there was nothing materialistic about that night. It was simple to the core. Yet, it was one of my most sacred, holy, silent nights.

Since that night I have thought about the life of Jesus Christ. He went about doing good, yet was despised and rejected for it. By nature of his calling, he indeed had a lot of really lonely moments. In particular, I have given thought to three silent, holy nights.

First, during this season, it is only proper to bring up his humble birth. His young, faithful mother gave birth to the Christ child in a manger because there was no room for them in the inn. Every other more suitable location closed their doors.  That night turned out to be quite indicative of the His entire mortal ministry as later people would not only continue to close their doors, but also their hears and minds to the eternal truths he labored to share. He received only the most humble of visitors, but he probably would not have wanted it any other way. He went on to spend his life serving those precious souls who were able to see Him for what He was: a miracle and the literal first-born of our Heavenly Father. Eventually, wise men made their way over to visit the baby bringing their sacrifices. They were simply trying to worship as they could and more than anything else, they were giving of their time and giving with their hearts. Wise men still seek him.

The second silent, holy night I would like to highlight is one that I believe sums up His entire mission pretty nicely. That particular night the Savior was giving a sermon when he was visited by his mother and brothers. When the messenger brought word of the family visit He did not leave to greet them but rather stayed and continued teaching. At that moment His audience was his family and His greatest priority. Jesus did not simply forget about the people He loved the very most. He knew He would probably end up spending that night, like so many others during his life, alone. He most likely craved a familiar, loving face. However, since the beginning, He understood a really important principle: He was on the Father’s errand, not His own. As such, His time was not His own. That knowledge let Him to serve with all of His heart, mind and soul.

The last silent, holy night of Christ’s life occurred as he humbly knelt at the garden of Gethsemane. He had been betrayed, mocked, and scourged. Yet, there he knelt weeping for forgiveness for the sins of the world. He bled from every pore. He suffered more pain than we can even imagine. And He did it all selflessly. He did it all for us. He knew that many would not accept the blood He freely shed. Yet, He did it regardless.

It seems only fitting that we take some time out of our busy lives to give tribute to the birth, life, death and resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ, and I am grateful that we get to do so every year with family, trees, lights, hot chocolate, movies  

, presents and nativities. He is the reason for the season and I love Him.