Yes that's right. I'm home. And admittedly have been for quite some time now. 6 weeks to be exact. The time of a transfer. Some days it feels like I just got back yesterday. But usually, it just feels like my missionary experience was a very distant life occurrence. Maybe even a dream? Truly, in hindsight, I can say that it went by fast. Blink of an eye kinda fast.
I think about my mission every day. Every hour. If we are to be completely honest, I'd go as far as to say that most minutes include some mission recollection these days. Experiences, companions, scriptures, and lessons still penetrate my mind. And I guess in all fairness, how couldn't they? I loved my time in my sunny Brazil. My mission taught, tested, and refined me. But these days it just keeps me wanting to go back for more.
I guess these arrivals are notorious for being rocky. (That's what my dad says at least and I will trust him because he usually knows practically anything about everything.) Don't get me wrong... I am LOVING my much-missed family time. They are the very best and I can't even begin to describe how much harder this experience would be without their loving welcome. I mean, my mom had all sorts of surprises up her sleeve including a much-needed spa day, all the movies I had missed, framed mission pictures, new wardrobe items and even fresh flowers and all the Brazilian scented soaps that Bath and Body Works has ever created! It doesn't get much better than that.
So here's my reoccurring question.... WHY, then, is this process so challenging?? I am merely returning to the life that I have always known and loved.
I guess when it comes down to it, the mission is simply a truly unique experience that can't be neither replicated nor compared. It is special. And sacred.
And custom-made. I learned that God is not a one size fits all kinda father. Rather, he is willing to give each of His children an individual experience to learn and grow all packaged up in marked and tattered scriptures, worn horribly ugly skirts and some of those shoes with the holes all the way through the sole.
One mission constant was the weekly opportunity I had to put my feelings down on paper as I tried hard to make sense of all that was happening. God was giving me a new chance. And I didn't plan on wasting. Those hour and a halfs every Monday were therapeutic for me. And I am finding this to be the same.
So humor me as I tell you some of the things I miss the very most about the those badge wearing days....
1. I miss having a defined purpose. Invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. Yep, that's what we did all day every day. That became our mission statement. Our reason. Thus, our daily decisions became that much easier. If the activity at hand didn't fit into at least part of this purpose, it simply could not be justified and was omitted from our daily plans. As a result, our days were full, busy and wonderful. And I would give anything just to relieve one of them.
2. People that need me desperately. Okay so honestly, it wasn't really me they needed but rather my message. And to see the difference this message made in their lives was simply inspiring. I miss those loving, trusting, humble people. With all of my heart.
3. Portuguese. This beautiful language reaffirmed that euphemism that with anything of value, you get out what you put in. No more. No less. Through flashcards, a trusty pocket-sized dictionary and a lot of mistakes I found a part of myself that I didn't know existed. Sometimes when my one-liners or spiritual thoughts don't come out as planned I feel like explaining that it could have been much better had it been said in Portuguese followed by the promise that in Brazil I really was decently cool.
4. The simple life. Simplicity is something that I grew to first understand and then, with time, love throughout the last 18 months. Not even to say anything about the humble living conditions there which is a whole different topic, it was just so nice to be unplugged for a while. We as a culture are one step short of surgically stapled to our stuff. It is just so easy to focus too much on things that just really don't matter and we end up sacrificing precious time and energy that could have been used to truly transform us. I mean the fact that we can't even abstain from using our smartphones during a short 3-hour block that could have given us the spiritual strength needed for the whole vigorous week ahead is just a bit pathetic. Yet, at times I find myself joining in. Conforming, if you will. And that's just plain frustrating.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said "it is easy in the world, to live after the world's opinion. It is easy in solitude to live after our own, but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness of independent solitude."
Lofty goal? Yes. But I'll be trying. Because there is something incredibly liberating about simplicity.
5. Divine help and guidance. I'm not saying that this part can't exist in normal life. In fact, it should, but it's just different as a missionary. I am convinced that God sends His very most faithful angels to help his trusted, beloved, badge-wearing servants. The mission is hard. Not a study abroad. Not merely to learn a language or gain life-experience. But rather a kind of hard that requires something of your soul to succeed. That being said, it is far from impossible because of our loving Heavenly Father who protects, watches over, leads and guides this miraculous work. How could you fail when you have the greatest, most powerful being in the universe on your side?
So truth be told, I miss my mission. Even a lot more than I thought I would. And though this transition is difficult, I wouldn't change it for the world.
There you have it... You can take the girl out of the mission but you can't take the mission out of the girl. And I guess, just maybe, that's how things should be.
